She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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