I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
