last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
