I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
