I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
