Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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