I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
