Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
