Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
