Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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