Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
