He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
