But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
