Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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