You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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