cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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