Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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