im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
