i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral