I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
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it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs