Ambien. No doubt about it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
