we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
