you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
