you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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