i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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