Im at strip club and am horny
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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