I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
