You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
