Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
