how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
