my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You ate ashes out of my bong
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
