btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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