where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This baby is an asshole
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
