grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
