He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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