I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
