To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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