how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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