Your tits are I can't wait for
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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