I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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