he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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