i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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