she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
