I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
