His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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