barbara walters just said penis...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
