Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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