LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My ass is underappreciated
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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