somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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