I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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