I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
