i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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