Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I supernannyed him into submission
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
