he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
