Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
