Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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