Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i think my mom watched the whole time
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
