I think I died a long time ago.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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