We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
