His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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