You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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