once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
