Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
