Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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