you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
