Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
