You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
