i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
