alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
