He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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