the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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