he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
