I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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