I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
