I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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